Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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