these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You made out with two different species that night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
