It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
