i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
