You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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