once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize