I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
