Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
