I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize