hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
