Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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