then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Non-Jews are for practice
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
