Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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