oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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