Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My dick has a subreddit
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
