Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
