By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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