I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
