508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
