so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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