'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have feelings that need drinking.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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