Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize