Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
