Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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