i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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