You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
