they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
