Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
