it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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