Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize