they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
