My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
