thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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