if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
