Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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