So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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