Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Every concussion has its silver lining
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
