Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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