you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
