making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize