I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
