and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
