you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
