babies were throwing up all over the place
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
