No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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