Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
