If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There's always time for handjobs
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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