i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
