it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is the high leading the old right now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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