i used baking grease as lip gloss
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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