I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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