Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
