quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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