The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
