It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
