My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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