What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I die, sorry about rent.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
