Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
