I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
