So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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