She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think my vagina is haunted
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
