Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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