Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
