I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
