Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
