I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My vagina is officially offended.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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