i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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