i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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