I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
