i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
