Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize