final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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