$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
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