From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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