Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
