I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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