WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
