wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
