Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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