my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
