is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
