I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Send help, water and tortillas.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
