I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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