he wants to bone in the snuggie
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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