Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
