yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You took a bar mat shot.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
