Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
