I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Congratulations! We have a period
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