Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize