He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
