The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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