that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
