just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
