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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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