How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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