everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
