I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i wish my penis had a tongue
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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