My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
