it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Acid is not a monday night drug
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
