Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
