it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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