just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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