i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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