i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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