they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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