I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize