I will die if light touches me.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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