i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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