I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize