It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
