She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
