@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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